It Shouldn’t Be So Hard…But It Is

November 8, 2007 at 7:01 am 2 comments

lone-ship.jpg

I’ve been emailing people this week…which says a lot for me. If you know me, you know this to be hard fact! It’s weird but if I were to have to point out any big shortfalls or “issues” of mine, it would be my lack of communication with people..and my difficulty with it. I tend to sail out there in the world alone, and although I think of people often, they sure wouldn’t know it because they rarely hear from me. It’s not that I’m overly involved with myself or shallow and just don’t care…it’s so much more than that. It’s an “issue” with me, one that could use a little counseling. Not that I would ever get any, mind you. 😉

As far as phone calls, I want to say it started when I was going through so much stuff with my mother, because I would dread what would come on the other end of the line…or the next second you were standing by her. Things were always so volatile and unpredictable, I chose to start avoiding it as much as possible. After a while it just became a habit, even though I tell myself that other conversations most likely will never be as bad as those I had with my mother. Now that I think of it, that’s only one aspect of why I don’t care for talking on the phone though. I always dread I won’t know what to say, and there will be this weird awkward silence….or if your on the phone with someone who hardly lets you get a word in…that gets painful, and annoying. Or if it’s been way too long since you last called, and you have to remind them who you are again…

Me: “Hey! It’s Glenda…what’s going on?”

Them: “Glenda? WOW! Whats the special occasion?”

Yeah, that gets annoying too.  It’s my own fault though…this I know.

On more than one front I tend to keep my thoughts to myself, when I should be finding a way to communicate them to people and let them know I care about them and am thinking of them. It might seem easy enough for some people, but for me it’s monumental…it’s seriously out of my comfort zone. Although sometimes I contradict myself because there are weeks it seems easier than others and I’ll come out of my shell for a while, but it’s almost guaranteed I’ll be back into hiding before too long. Why? I wish I knew.

Anyway, if I had a quick solution I would damn sure try it, but I don’t, so for now I guess I just have to embrace the good weeks when they come and be grateful that people are still around waiting to hear from me after I get back from my little “vacations”.

Alright….I need to get back to work. I’m tired and ranting. Fun eh? I got a whole 3 hours of sleep today and pretty soon it’s going to start getting all Chuck Norris on my ass. I couldn’t get winded down today and ended up doing errands and cleaning around the house most of they day. I’m such a dumbass sometimes!

PS – Bare with me on all the template changes…there’s so many ones I like, it’s hard to make up my mind, or not want to change the look just to reflect the weather! Like today…it’s COLD…much like the feel of this template! 😉

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Entry filed under: bored, Confessions, I'm a zombie, It Is What It Is, Rants.

More pics and other jabber… Title’s are SO overrated

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. TC  |  November 8, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    Eh, anybody that knows you knows you’re a flake with the communication. Don’t care, still think you rock!

  • 2. visage76  |  November 8, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    “A Flake?” you’re so harsh! Damn, the truth hurts.

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