Small Steps & Coping

March 28, 2008 at 1:55 am 5 comments

I seriously think I am a little scarred by what happened yesterday..but all in all I’m coping.

What happened is just crazy…I want to share, but I really don’t want to re-live it. Let me suffice to say that not all ads placed online for jobs are from reputable people. I now know this first hand. I was excited about a new prospect to work with a “business” that builds websites and needed an extra hand. I would have been answering calls and helping out with the customer load, and also helping maintain some sites. It sounded awesome to me, because it was a good middle road to learn more, and finally get a reference. I told Andrew all about it, and he was excited too.

Then yesterday I finally got a reply to my inquiry and decided to go head first and hoped to land the job.

I honestly can’t get into it right now because I’d start crying and I’m at work and that wouldn’t be good…there are camera’s and kids who could wake up…but I will soon. Just to get it out and over with. I don’t think I’ve fully processed any of it yet to tell you the truth. It’s just all made me very emotional and sad, and if there was ever a straw..well this would have to be it.

It was a lot of bad judgment calls on my part and a million different clues where I should have stepped back and saw something wasn’t right…yet I trudged on…knowing damn well something wasn’t sitting right. That’s all just made me very angry at myself…I was so close to doing something about it..but I didn’t, so I’m proud of that. I used to “cut” especially when I was going through all the stuff when my adoptive dad died and my mom went crazy. It was the only release that seemed to help. Twisted I know. It was 3 or 4 years ago though, and seems like an eternity…I’ve been really good about anything like that for a while now. Today made me think of it, but only like I said, for me..thats an improvement. I was so angry at myself I wanted so badly to hurt myself in some small way, but as soon as that thought came into my head I let it flow out. So if for nothing else, I do pat myself on the back for that.

Just to quell any worries, I didn’t get hurt physically in any way. And it could have been a million times worse than what it was. All in all I got out of it really lucky and I know I need to remember that.

More later today or tomorrow….


Entry filed under: It Is What It Is, stupidity, The Worst.

GP Thursday IIII The Story (it’s long..grab some popcorn)

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Karl  |  March 28, 2008 at 10:20 am

    Geez, what the bloody hell happened? Sorry you were put through the wringer like that. Some people are just freaking @ssholes.

  • 2. sizzlesays  |  March 28, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    That sounds scary. I’m sorry that happened to you! Whatever it was!

  • 3. smalltownks  |  March 28, 2008 at 2:26 pm

    I must have log into the wrong date but the comment I left applys to this one.
    You are a very smart woman don’t forget that. But any one can be fooled once. Cralk it up to a learning experience and go forward.

    Love, Dad

  • 4. poody  |  March 30, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    Ok now I am curious as all get out! You need some back up? Don’t make me kick my shoes off and come up there and kick some butt! I got your back ! LOL

  • 5. paulmct  |  March 30, 2008 at 4:19 pm

    Sounds bad. Glad you’re okay physically, but what about the rest? What happened?

    I checked out your site a couple times. New look site and new look you (pic anyway). Moving on?

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